It has been almost a week since we last talked, since I asked you to stop emailing me. Stop emailing may not mean much to others, but to us, it means the end of our relationshop, as, funny enough, it has been our main communication tool for the 7 and a haf year relationship.
Doesn’t it fell really funny this relationship that gave us much laughs and cries, could be this easily dropped just by simply stopping emailing to each other?
Last night, during shower, I recounted our years. Our first brief meeting in Korea in 2002, after a fnatic craze of the WorldCup in Seoul, and then we met again in Mauritius a year later where it all started, in the magical summer of 2003.
It only has been a week but you and I know that this week weighs a lot heavier, and I want to tell you that this is the first time that I really *feel*, not decide, because we have done that more than a million times, but really *feel* that our relationship is finally over.
I feel happy rather than sad. I also know that you will be taking this time with much gratitudes just like I am, and while feeling a pain of seperation, you will also feel a great sense of relief, as this is an invitiation for both of us to finally live our life free from the past.
For a long time, we have been putting our relationship in an emergency room and delievered occasional eletric shocks to keep it afloat, but we both knew that this time would come. We started to talk about our break-up with a soft landing, but we had no idea to do that, so we have just lingered around. I learned that there is no *how* to do anything, but you need to wait patiently until you *feel* like doing it, and anyway you do it, it would be the best way. Don’t you agree?
It was not planned. When you called me, I didn’t even know what we would be talking about. We have been talking almost every day on the net, and it seemed like any other those days, then came my words without me realizing them. You said you respect how I feel, and you want what I want. That was it, there were no tears, nothing at all. It ended just like that.
Now I am crying, D. I am crying. It was just too beautiful, but I didn’t know then. Without you, I wouldn’t have survived my twenties. Without you, I would have died long ago. You were the only energy source for a long time, I couldn’t have made it till the end of the tunnel, where I perhaps am, without your love. I would have starved to death without your daily dose of loving energy. Thank you, D for making me live.
I was going to write something different, but I can’t just do that now.
D, thank you so much. You are my sunshine, the primary energy source of my being, I feel my twenties were beautiful cuz it was spent with you. I wouldn’t have wanted any other way.